rowanceleste

Why did I suggest something so revolutionary as driving round with Logan Echolls? I could be sitting in a class, learning about the Ottoman Empire, but no here I am.

“So, how’s things at home?” I ask, trying to be casual.

“You know the usual back-stabbing, weaseling out of who’s turn it is to order the help to wash the dishes. We’re also spending some much needed family time at my mother’s will reading.”

I smile wryly, hoping he could see the genuine Veronica beneath the ‘bad ass’ exterior.

“And, I was going to complain about my dad’s taste in music, and how he hogs all the hot water.” I put my hand on his knee, before withdrawing it swiftly, realizing it could be taken out of the consoling context. Logan doesn’t have anyone one to be affectionate towards him, he probably doesn’t think he needs that, but I’m guessing he does.

I know a lot of things about Logan, without ever having to ask him. I know that he blames himself for his mother's suicide and Lilly's murder. I know the tiny scar on his left palm could only have been done by a cigarette and I now know the majority of his past and present injuries have come from the same place. I know that he's read more books than I have, regardless of his party boy exterior, watched more films, plus memorized lines from them and I don’t just mean from Van Wilder. I know that he has an Oxford dictionary of quotes that he uses for his inspirational messages. I also know that I was the one to kiss him first. Last but not least, I know that he never really hated me, even when he thought he did.

But as much as I know, there are things that I don't. Does he know about Lilly and Weevil? Did he take a peak at the files I have on other people or was it only Duncan's file he snooped at? (I'm not mad at him for that, I'd have done the same and I know that he knows that.) Will he turn on me again if I accuse Duncan or Duncan’s parents of the murder? Could he feel for me what he did Lilly?

His hand moves towards mine, just as my cell phone starts chirping for attention. Wallace name comes up. “It’s Wallace.” I don’t know why I’m telling Logan this, so instead I pick up my phone. “Wallace. Hi what can I do for you?”

“You could start with, where the hell you are?”

“I’m out, on a case.” I refuse to feel bad, lying to Wallace… okay it’s bad, there’s no escaping that. Wallace doesn’t deserve me lying to him.

“What case?”

“One of my dads.” I shifted the phone between the tense nook of my shoulder and neck.

“So, you’re not going to be asking me to sneak some student’s permanent records out?” There’s distinct relief in Wallace voice. Am I really that bad?

“That was the other day. I’m not planning on calling in any favours.”

“You going to be back soon?”

“Couldn’t say. But I’m sure you’ll be okay, just stick to the shadows and don’t talk to strangers.”

“Alright, see ya.”

“Bye.” I hang up. All my BFF privileges should be revoked, my friendship band stripped right off my wrist.

Logan’s smirking at me. “What?”

“She lies. This all part of the new and improved Veronica Mars.”
- - - - - - - - - -

We decided to go to Dog Beach. I’m not sure who suggested it, but neither of us seems to want to get out of the car now that we’re here.

I’m nervous, I’m certain Logan is too. I’ve never been this anxious with a guy, you’d think savvy detective I am, I could figure out one seventeen-year-old boy’s intentions, but no, I might as well turn in my badge if I had one. Damn my hormones, confusing everything I had known before, screwing up all logic.

I turn my keys to kill the engine, all the time worried they’ll slide out my hand, from all this perspiring. If this is romance no wonder it up and died.

“You okay?” I smile and nod. Wonderful Veronica, play the dumb-blond. Giggle and twirl your hair, I’m sure he’ll be impressed.

At least my legs are still in working order, good to know now that I’m walking away from my car, up the beach.

Logan follows me down to the sea, we used to come here all the time. Me, Logan, Lilly and Duncan. It should make it awkward, but it’s about the only thing that isn‘t.

I like to walk Backup here at night, so I can stand on the coast line. The sea is murky then; most people see it during the day shiny, blue and empty, they forget that there is more to it than that. Lilly was like that. But I don’t say any of this.

Logan isn’t chatty, odd, seeing as he was the one that wanted to talk. I’m waiting for the snarky comments.

“We’re not getting much in the way of talking done.” He turns that look on me again.

“Lilly used to love it here.” Lilly liked it here, but it was always on my urging we came here. Talking about Lilly is the obvious thing we have in common. We both feel that we have our part in Lilly’s death.

I know he doesn’t believe in ‘all that God stuff‘, I’m still on the fence. It still feels like she watches me, not at the precise moment but other times, if her favourite song is playing on the radio or when I talk to Duncan. I don’t think ‘my Lilly’ is the same one Duncan told Miss James about. ‘My Lilly’ is as witty and sharp as she was in life, but in my version, she is sad. She always lived by the motto, ‘Live fast, die young and leave a good looking corpse’, but a gaping head wound isn’t pretty. My Lilly is upset that she couldn’t do three out of three.

“Why have you been avoiding me the last few days?” I look out to sea, hoping the lack of eye contact will make this conversation less intimate.

“What would make you think that?”

“I think the consistent ‘disappearing in the opposite direction’ clinched it for me. I’m no PI, but I was easily tipped off by that.”

“Okay, I have.” Sometimes it’s better to admit the truth, when any lie sounds far-fetched.

“See how easy that was.” Easy is the last word I’d pick.

“She would want you to be happy, but you‘re not, are you?”

Sometimes I’m happy, when I’m not busy or filled with vengeful thoughts. But I’m better than what I was, I have friends now. Mac and Wallace.

I’m making a sandy crater with my foot. This is stupid - I’m stupid. His finger brush against my arm, but it’s not a confident gesture.

I kiss him. Sometimes the best avoidance tactics are the simplest. I figured that if we kissed again, it would be Logan who started it. Maybe he did kiss me first, who can tell?

I’m not going to ask is where he learnt to kiss like that, because I know. Lilly and Logan together almost guaranteed public displays of affection. They were never as gentle as we are now, but like with most things with me and Logan, they heat up.

His hands stray from my back to face, then back again. I lose my balance as my feet sink in the sand. No, I didn’t go weak at the knees, mostly - I have stronger calf muscles than a 1980’s romantic interest. He’s the first to start laughing.

“What the hell is going on with us?”

“I’m not sure. Well I’ve got some ideas.” His hand is still pressed against my cheek and he doesn’t ask me if I’m happy, he knows already.

“There’s something I’ve got to do.” It’s something I’m not looking forward to, but if I’m committing myself to this utter insanity, I’ve got no choice.

Next Chapter

Previous Chapter