Dawn Drabble

[aurey09]

Title: I Broke it
Author: Aurey09
Character: Dawn
Timeline: The Gift 
Number: 14/100 


I ‘remember’ Willow giving me a magicians kit for my 11th Birthday and that when I tried out one of the tricks I broke Buffy’s watch and couldn’t put it back together. Buffy yelled and mom rescued me from her. That none of that ever happened is the real illusion.

I wonder how I changed things? Did mom have another child that I replaced? Did they take mom’s life for mine? She got sick when I appeared. And now Buffy’s dead because of me.

I want the monks to take the spell back. I want to fix what I broke.



Yay! I finally wrote something, only a drabble but I'm still recovering from the concrit last week. I'm not sure about this drabble but I'm posting it anyway.  

Comments

[hesadevil.livejournal.com]

Drabbles may be short but they are by no means easy to do effectively. This does all that a drabble should do; captures a moment, an emotion and examines its complexity in a few words. You take us on Dawn's journey, from the opening premise of manufactured memories through those memories to her harrowing, desperate conclusion, with great pacing.

The rhythm of the writing is perfect; for example the long pause created by the full stop before the killer line "That none of that ever happened is the real illusion".

You might replace the full stop with a question mark on "I wonder how I changed things." before posting it to gen_storyteller

Well done and welcome back.

[aurey09.livejournal.com]

I'm not just being humble when I said I wasn't sure about this drabble because there have been ones that I felt were good.

I felt really emotional when I was writing this one and was hoping I didn't come off as melodramtic. But, I felt that I understood Dawn finding out that everything you thought wasn't true.

Anyway, thank you I feel great to be back.

[hesadevil.livejournal.com]

And I'm not just massaging your bruised writer's ego when I describe this drabble as a perfect execution of the craft of drabbling.

The fact that you felt emotional when writing it only adds to my admiration of the piece. You didn't let 'sentiment' turn into 'sentimental'.

[aurey09.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I'm glad I stayed away from sentimentality, it's one of those things that makes me cringe when ever I see a lot of it. There’s something that always seems false to me about it.